I moved to New York and the opportunities started coming in. Thankfully, today my whole family is very accepting of me and is proud that I’ve chosen to live my life exactly the way I want to-as a gay artist. Even though I come from a very artistic family-my mother is an actress and a musician with many gay friends-they still had a hard time with my homosexuality initially. I contemplated suicide on more than one occasion. I felt really out of place and was consistently made fun of for being different. There was a lot of bullying all through my school years. I had a difficult time growing up gay in New Mexico.
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In fact, it’s more like the movie Big Eden, where good-hearted, loving people have pushed us to share our lives with them in a way that completely surprised and overwhelmed me. Our lives as gay men here have been completely uneventful. There was a week of polite but curious gossip and questions, and then nothing. Small towns have no secrets-even if you want to keep them, which we did not. We were curious how such a small town would greet us, and discovered that everyone knew pretty much everything before we even got here. We’re two Southerners who moved here for my job. Allen works for the state during the summer as a park ranger and is the true farmer between the two of us. I am also chief of the Delta Junction Rescue Squad, an unpaid volunteer position that takes up many hours. I work as an environmental specialist for the Army. Living here brings us closer to our dream of self-sufficiency. The farm looks out on the glorious Alaska Range, as well as the White Mountains and the Granites. The goats kept eating my garden, so I insisted they had to go.
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We’re also raising hogs and one of our sows had her second litter two weeks ago. We’re finally getting siding on this month! We’ve begun collecting milk cows two are currently being milked, and two heifers were born this year. Since 2006, we’ve been building a large (some would say huge) two-story house right in the middle of it. We own an eighty-acre ex-dairy farm that we are trying to resurrect. My partner and I have been in Alaska for ten years. It’ll probably take another year, but doing it right is the important thing. Since then, I have lost somewhere in the neighborhood of sixty pounds and weigh a slim 284 now! Folks are just starting to notice, or at least say something. I can’t say I was shocked to hear the doc diagnose me anyone over 300 pounds would have to live in a fantasy world to be surprised by that. Probably the biggest thing is that I found out I have diabetes. A lot has changed for me over this past year. But there are a lot of us, and we are all around. I am not what most folks picture when they think of a gay man. I came out to myself in 1992 and then to my folks five years ago. I live in a small town about thirty-five miles outside of Fargo.
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I have been letting the beard grow out for more than the year since my dad’s death, so it’s bushy even for me, but it’s kind of fun to let the wind blow through it. I am a forty-four-year-old, gray-bearded bear.